Monday, June 3, 2013

Rant 001

I created this blog today because I need some creative warming up before I dive in for my naptime today.
I think I need a studio of some sort. I wish I could convert the gigantic shed in our backyard into a functional art studio so that I'd have a quiet place to work and concentrate.

I've been having a hard time balancing all of my projects. I think I got overwhelmed and basically shut it all out. But, an honest sit-down with my husband the other night helped me realize that I need to get out of my funk and decide what I want to do with my art.

And a reality check from me, surprisingly, revealed that I need to calm the heck down. I tend to have an idea and dive ALL the way in. Maybe that sounds like what you're supposed to do, but for me it doesn't work. I'm doing it right now as I write this blog post. After writing that sentence I sat here staring at the wall wondering if I'm jumping around too much with my thoughts in this particular post. Like it matters if someone actually reads this and doesn't understand what I'm talking about.

I need to stop caring what people think.
Who am I writing for? You?

Sorry, but no. I'm writing for me. This isn't so I can become a famous mommy blogger and change the world with my half [beep] writing. I'm actually doing this for myself to help me think and just word vomit all over the internet. Sure, there are places where I put a lot of thought into what I put out there, my webcomic for example is my baby and I do care that people read it and how they feel about it. But this blog. This blog which was created only moments ago on a whim (like everything else I do) is about me. Sure, I plan to share stuff about my life for anyone who feels like reading, but I don't really expect or care that anyone does.

So, let this be the last impulsive thing I do for a while. I need to be deliberate and careful. With my time. With my commitments. With everything me.

I think I do have time for all of the things I want to accomplish in the next few months. I just need to stop wasting time with things like Netflix and video games. I think I was using them as an excuse. It made me feel like I was having some kind of emotional crisis and that I just didn't feel like doing the one thing I love the most, but the truth is probably that I was just being lazy.

I'm done.

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